The Seinfeld-created holiday of Festivus is celebrated on December 23.
(If you’re unfamiliar with Festivus, go read this Wikipedia entry. Then go take a shower, because you’re probably dusty from living under that rock.)
While Festivus has a few requisite traditions—the decorating of the aluminum pole, the Feats of Strength, the Festivus Miracles—I’m going to focus on the Airing of the Grievances.
- Depression: I mean, this is the Advent Calendar for Depressed People, so I had to start with Public Enemy #1 in the mental health world. Depression is an awful, pathetic creature that gets stuck in your brain and tries to lie to you and trick you at every angle. You cannot let this dark creature win.
- Recurring Depression: I mean, geez, isn’t one episode enough?
- Anxiety: This is Depression’s evil little buddy, and they almost always travel together. I’ve had episodes of anxiety that trigger depression, and I’ve had episodes of depression that trigger anxiety. It’s always one of those two stupid little jerks who starts it, and then his stupid little jerk buddy who tags along.
- Intrusive Thoughts: If you have ’em, you know how awful they are.
- Every Other Stupid Fucking Mental Illness: There are so many of them, and so many people who suffer from them, and so much misunderstanding about them.
- People Who Think Depression is Instantly Cured: I’m not all better because I took a pill or went to therapy. It takes a long time to get to a level where you can cope. Keep asking me how I’m doing. Keep showing you care.
- Side Effects: The one where you feel like you’re living in a slightly altered reality is my favorite.
- People Killing Other People: Cops need to stop killing unarmed black people. People need to stop killing cops who were unrelated to the killing of unarmed black people. People need to stop shooting children. Just, let’s stop murdering.
- The Following Christmas Songs: “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus”; “Santa Baby”; “Baby It’s Cold Outside.” All slightly lecherous.
- When You See People Once a Year and You’re Fatter Than You Were Last Year: And you’re always eating a cookie when you first see them.
- Obligatory Gift-Giving: Because you always end up at the gift card kiosk in the grocery store.
- It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year: No, it isn’t.
Feel free to add your own grievances in the comments.
Happy Festivus, everyone!