Feeling trapped

Today I was supposed to do something that I’m not good at. And not only am I not good at it, but I don’t understand how to do it and I get panicked about it, and I’ve been shamed about not being able to do it so I’m traumatized about that and even thinking about it makes me feel all shaky and trapped and like an utter failure.

And I was supposed to spend the entire day today doing it. I have to do it to be able to move on to the next phase. But I got about 10% in and just lost it.

So now I have to go try to finish up on Tuesday. I’m feeling shame paralysis already.

I have always thought that there’s a way to outthink almost everything. Some way that I just haven’t figured out yet to make whatever thing it is doable, even if I don’t do it well. (Done is good.) But this has been beating me for 42 years.

Is there something that’s making you feel all panicked and weepy this season? You’re not alone. (I’ve got no solution for either of us. Just a fist bump of solidarity.)

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