Dragging

I couldn’t wake up this morning. It wasn’t that I was too depressed to get out of bed. I just kept falling asleep. I woke up, and then my cat came to snuggle and then I woke up again, and then I was lying there thinking about all the stuff I had to do today and then I woke up again, and rinse and repeat until it was 10:30 and I was finally away. Ten thirty. I don’t think I’ve slept until 10:30 since my older son was born almost 14 years ago.

And then I couldn’t get it together. I had this long moment of looking at the coffee I’d brewed and not knowing exactly how to get it into my mug. (Once I got it into my mug I did manage to figure out how to get it into my mouth.) The whole day went like that. I’m just not firing on all cylinders today. And when was out in the middle of other people it felt like everyone else was tense and frenzied, and I was tense and dull and not as good at dodging other people’s bad energy as I usually try to be.

I am wondering if this is just the natural result of a long and stressful two weeks leading to a day in which I had no hard deadlines. Or maybe I’m getting sick. Or maybe it’s just overwhelm from the normal Christmas stuff, and you are feeling it, too, and we’re going to keep needing more sleep until this long dark season is over.

The shortest day of the year is Monday. Peak darkness. Perfect for rest. Can we calm ourselves enough for rest? Or will we drag through, misfiring and fumbling through the next two weeks?

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