I have been thinking about my depression and sadness and loneliness of the past few Advent and Christmas seasons and what a luxury it was. It was so personal–I was sad, I was scared, I felt alone.
There was comfort in knowing that other people were happy and were enjoying the sparkle and the busyness and the satisfaction. Even if I didn’t see myself ever having that, knowing that other people did made me feel better.
But this year we’re all scared and worried and sad. Even people who aren’t depressed are scared and sad, and even people who haven’t been depressed before are depressed now (and scared and sad), and those of us who are usually depressed are extra-depressed (and extra scared and sad). There’s more happening every day. More bad news, more people and systems and machines trying to hurt us and other people. It’s like a nightmare in which we can watch the tornado coming but can’t move out of the way or yell out to warn anyone else.
I don’t have any answer. I think it’s really, really important to admit that we’re scared and sad, all together. And then we keep fighting, all together, for each other. Knowing that we might not win, and that things can get a whole lot worse. But there’s no answer, and there’s no other choice.
You are not alone. Even at 3 am. We’re all here, scared and sad and depressed. With you.