Stuck

I’m stuck.

Sitting, staring blankly at nothing, unable to get anything done. I want to make it all better, and everywhere I turn I find something that makes it worse. I know nothing. I can’t move on. I’m powerless.

I’m referring to my country’s current political situation. But I might as well be referring to depression.

It’s getting harder to separate the two.

I’ve always said that depression is like being trapped under a very heavy tarp. You can’t see one glimmer of light. You flail around and try to dig yourself out, but the tarp just gets more tangled and its grip around you gets tighter.

When you finally stumble on the the right tool, or combination of tools, you rip the tiniest hole in the tarp. You see a small glimmer of light. You’re still trapped in almost total darkness, but that tiny hole gives you the courage to claw at it and rip a little bit bigger hole. Eventually you tear a big enough hole that there is more light than darkness. And even though the tarp is still there, you don’t feel trapped under it all the time.

I’m waiting for my tiny hole. I don’t feel like I have any tools to make one this time.

This is where I’m supposed to end on some sort of positive note where I spew a platitude or give some advice. But, like, if I had a phrase or a strategy that healed everything, wouldn’t I have used it on myself by now?

All I can give you is the most powerful words I have in this situation:

You are not alone. If you feel stuck, know that I feel stuck too. 

We’ll breathe through this together.

With love and solidarity,

Shannon

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