An Embarrassing Story About Something That Actually Happened to Me

A few days ago, I was staying at my in-laws’ house. We had a very garlicky dinner.

Later that evening, I went down to our little basement guest area and swallowed my nightly medication. I then proceeded to brush my teeth with my new Sonicare toothbrush, which shuts off automatically after two minutes of brushing.

Eager to achieve this important tooth-brushing time goal, and also eager to eliminate some of the garlicky-ness of the dinner, I took some time to thoroughly brush my tongue.

Except I wasn’t used to the pointy head of the new toothbrush, and I hit my gag reflex. And then I puked in the sink. I noticed a somewhat soggy, regurgitated version of my antidepressant pill in the drain.

Also in the drain: a dead daddy long-legs. My in-laws live in a somewhat rural area. There are a lot of critters.

Now, being on a trip, I didn’t have any extra medication on me, so I couldn’t just pop another pill. I weighed my options: take the pill and ingest some dead daddy long-legs germs, or be an emotional wreck.

I chose daddy long-legs germs.

I think some of you can relate.

Still alive despite recent contamination,


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