I was a real jerk yesterday. I was sweet to my kids in the morning (it’s hard going back to school after break) but the rest of the day I ranged between meh and vicious to everyone else I interacted with. And then I fell asleep at 5 pm and didn’t wake up until 9. If you guessed that I was getting sick, you’re right. I woke up this morning with a fever and feeling like my entire body had been made into cube steak. Turns out I’ve got some bug that’s going around and I’ll probably feel better in another 24-36 hours.
I feel such relief that this is temporary, even though I feel horrible. For the last couple of years my body has been collapsing in big and small ways, mostly as a result of the hormonal changes of perimenopause. When I wake up feeling bad I can be pretty sure that that feeling is just my new normal, unless months of trying lifestyle changes and supplements and whatever else I can throw at it will reduce the pain a little. It’s been demoralizing and scary, and what makes me feel even worse is knowing that it’s happening to millions of other women at the same time and all of us are feeling this same decline in health.
So while I feel lucky that this thing yesterday and today is just a sickness and not some new condition, I’m also mad that I have to feel lucky. Why aren’t we all feeling healthy all the time? Shouldn’t the expectation be that our bodies are going to change so let’s get waaaaay out in front of it to prevent and solve the pain? This crappy bug that’s making me be a big jerk to everyone should be a problem, not a relief.
If you are feeling extra crappy today I hope that it’s a short-term illness and not just the way things are now.